How to Be a Good Man

THE COOL MAN:

For approximately 80 years, the notion of what a man should be like has been heavily influenced by the idea of ‘cool’. The cast of seductively cool figures includes these two guys:

Sean Connery

Humphry Bogart 

They are physically confident, they can scale a mountain or saunter down a deserted street in the middle of the night; if they have to kill someone they will do it neatly with minimal fuss; they don’t worry, they are self-contained and sure of themselves; their trousers are always a perfect fit; they express themselves briefly – but their words are always to the point; they’re not meek in the face of authority; but they don’t crave power themselves: they are independent.

The essential characteristic of the cool man is an aura of invulnerability, well handled: without any showing off or bragging.

When the house is on fire, the cool man doesn’t scream or call the fire brigade; ‘temperature’s rising, baby’, he quips to his current girlfriend as she emerges from the shower. Then he casually puts out the blaze himself. When the waiter spills a cocktail over him, the cool man doesn’t get flustered; he removes his jacket and looks even better in his shirt. When his boss is being difficult, the cool man smiles ironically: he can walk away from the job at any moment....

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The idea of manliness has grown indelibly associated with the idea of being cool. We’d be wiser to shift the masculine ideal towards a new idea: Warmth...