THE CENTER FOR POSITIVE THOUGHT: Daddy Issues

Father Knows Best

To say that someone has ‘daddy issues’ is a somewhat rude and humiliating way of alluding to a very understandable longing: for a father who is strong and wise, who is judicious, kind, perhaps at points tough, but always fair – and ultimately, always on our side. It would be so understandable if we were to feel we wanted someone like this in our lives, especially at moments of confusion and chaos.

The longing for a strong father has been a recurring theme in history. Most religions have conceived of their central divinities as male parents. In ancient Greece, Zeus was described as the ‘father of men and Gods’; in Christianity, God was the heavenly father; in Germanic mythology, Odin was the Allfather, the father of all other gods. The longing has been no less present in secular culture. In the US, the individuals who led the war of independence and drew up the constitution came to be known as the Founding Fathers; Garibaldi, the dignified and authoritative man who fought for the unification of Italy in the 19th century, earned himself the title of the ‘father of the fatherland’.

In early childhood, we are all immensely weak and in need of protection. We can’t understand the world, we are so fragile, we could be killed by a moderately sized dog; so much feels mysterious and outside of our control. A hunger for a ‘daddy’ is – in the circumstances – wholly natural. A grown man inevitably and rightly seems immensely impressive to a small child. They appear to know everything: the capital of New Zealand, how to drive a car, how to say a few words in a foreign language, how to peel an avocado. They go to bed mysteriously late. They’re up before you. In the swimming pool, you can put your arms around their neck and rest on their back; they once kicked a football so high, you nearly couldn’t see it; they take you on their shoulders and help you touch the ceiling. It’s beyond astonishing – when one is four..  MORE